The Diary of an Internet Addict

It was a warm August evening and I was at my computer surfing the world wide web. Jumping from site to site like a 15 year old living with ADD. I felt the air conditioning kick on and a refreshing coolness overcome me; somehow I was able to focus on the screen all the more clearer. That pixilated world where I can find anything, learn everything, and be anyone. The Chrome Browser window had several tabs open to all the sites I frequent and all of the stories and RSS feeds I needed were coming through the Google reader. I was up to date, in the know, and on some clearly psychological realm, out of control.

 News sites began blurring together with the latest stories of all the mindless followers worshiping an idiot for President who sold his country down the river with each newly signed bill. Entertainment sites flashed the latest news of normal people who were elevated to stardom by the sheer numbers of children they have or the latest teen starlet to photograph her own nude body and then be dumb enough to trust that they would never be distributed on the web in every country and through every wire traversing this great rock in space.

 The purr of the fan in the laptop was my comfort and the heat generated from the CPU and dispersed through the keyboard was my physical link to my never ending barrage of information and illusion.
Just as I had settled in on a particularly good site on the healing powers of the avocado I was hit by the sounds of several popping windows from 3 different IM’s. I had forgotten to go to invisible status and I was being inundated with pop after pop of friends and family and strangers all trying to keep me from learning the greatest healing secrets of the cherished avocado.

 I was typing as fast as my fingers could take me, a “hi” here and a “hello” there but the responses came back faster and my mind was being torn from my pixilated heaven. With not so much as a “goodbye” or clever sign off I closed all the IM windows and placed myself on invisible and then waited for several minutes in hiding, picking off the most tenacious conversationalist who could not take no for an answer and kept sending me offline messages.

 After a full 3 minutes I was able to once again concentrate on the discovery at hand. But a thought had caught my mind and I was off to Wikipedia before ever learning the greatest healing secrets of the avocado.

 Without warning time was awash and the screen flickered and brilliant colors filled the screen. I looked to the bottom of the browser and the page I had tried to click to was half way to loading but something was not right. These colors and flashes should not be happening, something was amiss.
And then it happened…a single white page, with no links, no flash, nothing but this white page with a short paragraph in black letters:

Congratulations, you have now reached the END of the internet.
There is absolutely nothing more to see.
Please shutdown your computer and return to a productive life in the real world.

 And with that startling and cold message I moved my mouse over to the corner of the screen and clicked on shutdown.

 As the OS began shutting my windows and logging me off, I felt a strange sense of release and freedom come over me. The laptop powered off and the black screen appeared and I was left to stare at that complete lack of everything and yet….I felt peace and calm.

 I closed the laptop shell and slowly turned in my chair and then rose to my feet. I measured each step as if it were my first, slowly walking away from a world in which I had seen everything there was to see.

Written by: Jason Falter
© Copyright 2009 Jason Falter


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